Editorial Opinion -January 2003. You Know You're a Torontonian When..
You turn your nose up at any establishment frequented by the S&M crowd in Scarborough and Mississauga. A really great parking spot can move you to tears. You can recommend about three good body piercing parlour's. You make well over $100,000 and you still can't find a nice place to live.
You take pride in being able to walk through Chinatown in the dead of summer without holding your breath. You realize there are far more rainbow flags in the city than Canadian flags. When the temperature rises above zero degrees, you yell "Woohooo! Patio weather!" You enjoy watching channel 47 multi cultural TV. You're guaranteed to know at least one person on every episode of speaker's Corner.
You haven't been to the CN Tower since you were six, but still have nightmares about that damn turbo elevator. You've had at least 3 bicycles stolen in the past 10 years. You've partied with at least one of the members of The Kids in the Hall. You can name at least three locations of The Beer Store that are open till 11 PM. At least 3 of your friends have moved to Vancouver. You never, never, never swim in the lake.
You know "The Beaches" are really called "The Beach", but still say "The Beaches" just to annoy all the nitwits who live there. You've had a birthday party at the Organ Grinder. You can say "world's tallest freestanding structure" ten times fast. You know the correct answer to "Where do shopping carts go to die?" is "The Don River". You speak better Chinese than French.
The word "Cabbagetown" doesn't strike you as particularly amusing. Castle Frank subway station remains one of the great mysteries of the universe for you. You know what the bathrooms in the First Canadian Place are REALLY for. You don't know where Fort York is, but have a vague recollection of being there in a past life.
You know the Demic's song "I Wanna Go To New York City" was intended as sarcasm, not a weekend getaway suggestion. You know where to find Dim Sum, Sushi, Curry and Pad Thai and a battery-operated personal pleasure device at 3 am on a weeknight. For the last time, it's pronounced 'TRONNA'! You don't consider eye contact a sign of hostility and an invasion of your privacy.
It takes you half an hour to get to work by TTC and you are the envy of all your friends. You mourned the death of the Spadina Bus. You laugh heartily at people who refer to hiway four hundred and one. You've taken the Vomit Comet. You can manoeuvre your bike across Queen St. without getting caught in the streetcar tracks.
You know the difference between souvlaki, moussaka and spanakoptia. You have NEVER been to the Hard Rock Cafe. Your out-of-town friends have called you to report they saw your house in the background footage of an evening crime story on television. You know someone who went to high school with a member of the Barenaked Ladies.
You know the construction crane is, of course, Toronto's native bird. You can not only spell "Roncesvalles" but darn near pronounce it You always leave your 416 work number on answering machines, even though you have a 905 number, too.
You don't blink in January to see patients in their flimsy gowns, smoking on the hospital steps. You've never, ever had to take a ride on the GO Train. You pass wind in front of your dog and say "Excuse me."
You'd forgotten there actually are restaurant inspectors in the city health department.
Gay editorial Archives Toronto Whorlpool Magazine 2001
Editorial - Eminem's Fag Jag, April 5-21, 2001
Editorial - Heterosexual Family Pride Day, May 26-June 25, 2001
Editorial - Is Gay Cloning Next? December 1, 2001
Editorial - Online Gay Shoppers January 1, 2002
Editorial - Jerry Fawell takes a step forward February 1, 2002Gay editorial Archives - Toronto Digital Queeries 2002 -
Editorial - Is Gay Pride Day over?
Editorial - Straights in Toronto Gay Bars
Editorial - End of the Rainbow
Editorial - Public Sex
Editorial - Profiting from loneliness
Editorial - Integrity in Toronto gay publications
Editorial - Conformity of the urban homosexual lifestyle
Editorial - Primetimers
Gay editorial Archives - Toronto Digital Queeries 2003 -
Editorial - You know your a Torontonian when..
Editorial - Toronto lgbt community silent on war with Iraq.
Editorial - Whatever happened to Queer Activism in Toronto?
Editorial - The flimsy Case against gay marriage
Editorial - Pride week Toronto 2003
Editorial - Time to pull the plug
Editorial - Toronto has two gay villages!
Editorial - The Ridiculousness of Recruiting
Gay editorial Archives - Toronto Digital Queeries 2004-
Editorial - Homeless gay youth in Toronto
Editorial - Appearance is everything
Editorial - Gay Marriage - The Debate
Editorial - Who cares if gays marry?
Editorial - Why Toronto's gay village is dying
Editorial - Please be yourself- as long as who are your suits me
Editorial - Freedom to chose gay marriage or not?
Editorial - Exploring the Dyke [or Queeriosity]
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